he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
