im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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