My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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