I look better un-naked...
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
