Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
BRING THE BAGELS
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
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