Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
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