Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
