If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
send nudes
from the living room?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
