the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
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