you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Randomize
