Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Randomize
