I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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