i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
