I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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