I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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