Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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