Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Randomize
