We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
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