love makes seman taste better
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
