Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
