dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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