Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
