Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
