If that was your dad, he is hot
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
im calling her cock vulture from now on
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
