We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
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I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
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She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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