listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
