I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
