omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
