Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
We don't watch enough power rangers
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
