Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
