1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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