i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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