Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
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