last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
