You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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