i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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