My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
