There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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