bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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