i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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