Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
