in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
