i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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