I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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