tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
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Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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