the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
