the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
