so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
