we have officially lost it.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
