R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Randomize
