We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
