I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
