matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
