My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
