Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Randomize
