I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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