I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
