i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
He has the fingertips of a God
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