he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
