am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
