The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
