Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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