So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
