My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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