Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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