we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
