oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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