is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
