i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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