I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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