i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
