Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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