dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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