I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
