i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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