I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
