You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
