My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
