i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
