I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
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When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
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That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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