What a fucking waste of an outfit
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
